DISCOVER DATING
Dating Diaries
the real stories
ARTICLE BY NAOMI PEREZ
The Worst First Date
K. He brought his mom. I wish I was joking.
J. He spent the entire date ranking his exes.
L. Police arrested him in front of me.
Red Flags
Hot-and-cold behavior.
Making you feel “too much.”
No curiosity about your life.
Defensiveness when you express feelings.
Jokes at your expense.
Inconsistency is a pattern, not a phase.
The “almost” relationship you still think about sometimes
F. He was consistent. He’d call when he was supposed to, hold my hand when he was supposed to, laugh with me when he was supposed to, and cry with me when he was supposed to. I felt understood. And for the first time, I felt cared for.
I felt safe. I finally began to let my guard down.
Until one day, that all disappeared. And that contrast messed me up for a while.
M. It was a connection without labels. We would talk endlessly for months. His friends became my friends, and my friends became his own. We bonded over music, and we’d laugh at the jokes we’d share together. His eyes locked in with mine, and I’d wonder if he was feeling everything I was feeling in that moment.
But then one day…he slowly faded from the beautiful picture I was trying so hard to hold on to. He left without a fight and without any closure. Sometimes, I still find myself wondering what could have been if either of us had the courage to
speak up about what we felt for one another.
M. Have you ever just looked into someone’s eyes and felt the weight of gravity pulling you in closer? That’s what I felt with him. We clicked immediately, and the chemistry between us was insanely intense. And when we kissed, I thought that
nothing could break us.
But we had completely different dreams and goals in life. He saw the world one way, and I saw the world in a completely different way.
And I know the love was there, and it was real. But love is not enough, no matter how badly I wish it were.
Your Most Significant Breakup & What it Taught You
A. Love shouldn’t feel exhausting. Love shouldn’t feel like survival. Like trying so hard just to keep a person to the point where you begin to lose yourself in the process. Love shouldn’t feel one-sided or small. Love shouldn’t feel cold and distant. And although ending things hurt me greatly, staying with them would have completely destroyed me. The pain of goodbye was worth more than the pain of losing myself. And I’d do it all again if I had to.
E. He loved me in all the ways a man should love. He held the door open for me. He bought me flowers often. He’d tell me how gorgeous I was every day, and he’d laugh at my jokes even though they weren’t particularly funny. He was present and warm, and, truthfully, none of my other exes ever treated me the way he did.
He was kind and gentle. But even though I never dared to say it out loud, there was still something missing. I began to feel shame and guilt for feeling the way I did, because how could I? How could I possibly not feel the same way for someone who clearly loved me? But over time, I learned that just because someone loves you, it doesn’t make them right for you. It doesn’t mean they are your person. I learned to give myself grace and realized that just because I didn’t feel the same, it doesn’t make me a bad person.
L. For a long time, I thought I was happy. I’d wake up every morning with them right beside me. I’d come home from work, and they’d be right there. I’d sit down at the dinner table, and they’d sit down right beside me. And at night, we’d go to bed and do the same thing over again the next day. It was a routine. It was familiar. I knew everything about this person, and this person knew everything there was to know about me. There were no secrets, no privacy. We had become one. One and the same. And for a long time, I thought that familiarity was love. Knowing a person so deeply that I had no choice but to love and choose them. But over time, I learned that comfort is not the same as happiness.
The First Time You Felt Hopeful About Love Again
V. I have always been told that I am “too much.” They’d say things like “you make a big deal out of everything,” and “why are you like that?“ and “I can’t deal with you.” Those words stick with you. They latch on like a leech on flesh. And they change you. I’ve always hated that saying that goes sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Words can change you, whether it’s for good or for bad. And in my past relationships, I always found myself shrinking just so I could make them feel comfortable.
Whenever we’d meet, I’d put on my mask, and I’d pretend I was this whole other person. I remember I looked at myself in the mirror once, and I couldn’t even recognize the person staring back at me. Who was she? And then when I was on the verge of giving up, I met someone. And I didn’t need to wear a mask just to make them comfortable. And for the first time, in a long time, I could finally be myself. I didn’t need to perform. I didn’t need to hide. And I didn’t need to shrink because the real me deserves love.
C. I had gotten used to partners who’d try so hard to fix me. It had gotten to the point where explaining how I felt and why became exhausting. And trying to feel understood became a chore. It became a feeling of shame when my imperfections were not accepted. And that shame stayed with me for a long time. I began to fear that I was “too much,” and no one would ever take me as I am.
Until one day, someone listened to me without trying to fix or save me, as if I were a wounded animal. Someone finally knew how to hold me in my silence. How to kiss my tears away without filling the quiet. And, in that moment, I learned to open my heart again.
Z. In the past, I was the one who had to carry the weight of the relationship. It felt as if I were the one pouring myself out to people who never learned to hold me. Who never learned to give or pour back. I’d plan every date, pay for every bill, gift every flower, and bury what I truly felt so that I could keep the peace. And I, the idiot that I am, would fall for it every time. Until I poured myself empty, and I began to lose hope that I would ever find anyone who could love me the way I deserved to be loved.
But then I met him. I met him on a day when I least expected. He was kind and gentle. And every day, he’d care for me in a way I have never been cared for before. At first, I’d flinched whenever he’d pour into the relationship. It felt foreign. And at that moment, I’d panic and shut down. Almost as if I felt like I did not deserve to be treated this wonderfully at all. But I am slowly learning that I do deserve mutual effort. Love should never be one- sided.
